First look vs no first look – which one is right for you? If you ask your family and friends what they think, you’ll likely get conflicting opinions, with some who are huge fans of having one and others who will tell you to stick to tradition. But the choice you ultimately make should depend on what feels right for you and your partner.
As a wedding photographer, when I get asked this question, I ask the couple, “What does your gut tell you – why would you do [or not do] one?”
If you aren’t sure or need more information, that’s where this guide comes in to help guide your decision.
First Look Vs. No First Look: Common Misconceptions
Before we go into the pros and cons, let’s clear up some common misconceptions when it comes to choosing or not choosing a first look.
Misconception #1: If I do a first look, I will have more time to spend with guests at the cocktail hour.
Maybe. Yes, you will save time taking the family/wedding party photos before the wedding, but if you are planning on extended family photos, (meaning all the people you want in family photos can’t arrive before the ceremony starts), you’ll need to pull in all the other family members that were in the photos before the ceremony for those large group photos. What takes the longest for family photos is the gathering of everyone – once they are there, the photos can go pretty quickly.
If you aren’t doing extended family photos, then yes, a first look will allow you to enjoy more of your cocktail hour.
Misconception #2: If we do a first look, the moment of walking down the aisle won’t feel as special
Some people love that moment of emotions and seeing everyone all at once, while others feel immense anxiety having everyone look at them during that moment. Talk about your comfort level for either a first look or no first look with your partner. If you have different answers, consider the following:
If you do a first look together right before the ceremony, you’ll have that private moment the two of you, which lends towards the option of the two of you walking in together (a modern twist on the traditional giving-away moment at the end of the aisle) and taking in all the emotions of the guests together.
Maybe one of you needs some calming reassurance, but the other absolutely wants that moment to be when your eyes lock at the opposite ends of the aisle? Find a doorway, corner of a building, etc., where you two can hold hands, and bring down those wedding day jitters before seeing each other at the ceremony.
Misconception #3: If we don’t do a first look, our family photos will take longer.
This is one of the biggest misconceptions. They actually take *longer*. As mentioned in Misconception #1, the longest part of family photos is the corralling. If you do them right after the ceremony, the family will automatically be in the same place at the same time. This removes the need for the family to arrive at a predetermined time before the ceremony, when some of them will likely be late and delay the family photos.
Doing your photos ahead of time will also mean you will have to do them before everyone arrives, leaving you with a 30+ minute period with nothing to do because you can’t be out on the venue grounds as the guests arrive. This means that you need to be ready earlier, arrive earlier, and also use some of your photography time when you are waiting for the ceremony to start.
Hiring an efficient photographer that can make those family photos after the ceremony go quickly (I like to do them in 15 minutes or less, read more about that here (link to family photo post), you’ll likely get to enjoy some of your cocktail hour AND have more time to get ready before the ceremony with photography coverage longer into the evening (when all the guests are around).
First Look vs No First Look: Pros and Cons
As I mentioned earlier, the most important thing is to decide together which you prefer – do a gut check for you both and talk about why you think you do or you don’t want a first look. Both are valid options, but reviewing the pros and cons of each might help determine what fits your personality.
Pros to First Look:
- Can calm anxiety or stress prior to the ceremony
- Private, intimate moment just the two of you (and your photographer!)
- Family photos can be done ahead of time (noting the misconceptions above)
- Ability to be at every moment of your cocktail hour (if you won’t be at your cocktail hour, regardless, skip this pro)
Cons to First Look:
- You’ll have to be ready at least 1 hour earlier than if you didn’t do a first look
- Photos will take place earlier in the day, which limits where you can take photos (think harsh sun)
- If large group family photos are on your wishlist, you’ll actually spend *longer* taking the family photos
- There will be a 30+ minute downtime where you are ready for the ceremony, but you aren’t doing anything because the guests will see you as they arrive
First Look vs No First Look: Final Thoughts
Hopefully the sections above have helped you decide if a first look or no first look is right for you, but if you still aren’t sure, here are a few remaining thoughts to consider:
Sometimes, first looks are not always the emotional, cinematic moment couples expect them to be (especially the overly orchestrated “tap on the shoulder” setup). If you are leaning towards a first look, work with your photographer to create one that feels more like the two of you, such as both of you walking towards one another – meeting at a door frame or getting ready together, and have the first look be an organic, unique moment to you.
If you choose not to do a first look, sending notes to one another before the ceremony can be a way to be in the moment together and calm down those nerves without having to see one another before the ceremony.
Finally, it is easy to be swayed by others (family, friends, wedding vendors), but remember, there is no right or wrong way to see each other on the wedding day. Make this a special moment for the two of you, whether with all of your guests standing by or a private moment before everything begins.
Want to Work With a Wedding Photographer Who Honors Your Choice for a First Look or No First Look?
As you can see, I’m passionate about giving couples the freedom and information to choose what option works best for them when it comes to choosing whether or not to have a first look.
If you’re still looking for a Washington DC/Virginia wedding photographer, I’d love to connect! My approach to wedding photography starts with understanding what—and who—matters the most to the two of you.
When you hire me to photograph your wedding, we’ll sit down to figure out what photos are must-haves and how you want your day to feel. Your images will capture your day in its entirety: the spontaneous joy, the precious family photos, the experience you created for your guests.
You can learn more about my wedding photography services here or get in touch with me here!
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